


Why'd You Leave Me?

by icaruslaughed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18, Angst, Coda, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icaruslaughed/pseuds/icaruslaughed
Summary: If you loved me//why'd you leave me
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	Why'd You Leave Me?

**Author's Note:**

> this was sort of inspired by the song All I Want by Kodaline, at least the end anyways. it hurt writing it, and it'll hurt reading it, but I'm not sorry

Sam’s voice echoes through the bunker halls, rough and broken from overuse. Somewhere in him, he knows he’s calling Dean’s name. It doesn’t fully register. Nothing really does.

Cas loved him.

Cas  _ loved _ him.

Cas loved him and it got him killed. He begged him not to, he did. He tried. Words were never his strong suit but he asked him not to do this, he asked him not to so  _ why did he _ ? Why was he so set upon loving him? He’s nothing but the filthiest scum of the earth and yet and the angel was stupid enough to love him.

He should get up. He should walk out the door of the room he vows to never set foot in again and answer Sam and Jack. He should, but he won’t because he  _ can’t _ . He can’t and he won’t and he shouldn’t because what if it takes everything he has to get up? To leave Cas. He never has and he swears he never will leave Cas. Cas has left him, but he has to make sure he’s always there when his angel gets back. If he gets back.

He won’t get back. Not this time. This is truly it. They’ve played all their cards, they’ve done everything, and now it’s too late. They’ve lost everything, and now he’s lost Cas. So, no, he won’t get up. He can’t. Not this time.

The door--or what’s left of it--swings open on broken hinges and he hears someone kick a piece of rubble across the devil’s trap. “Dean? What happened?” he thinks Sam asks. He shakes his head. “Dean, come on, you’re bleeding-” Sam immediately falls silent at what he can only assume is the most heartbroken he’s ever seen his older brother. It’s pathetic. He’s pathetic.

“Dean, your shoulder,” Jack whispers and after a moment, Dean realizes what he’s talking about. Looking down, he sees bloody red fingers curl around his arm and it snaps something in him.

“God fucking damnit,” he whispers as Sam and Jack subconsciously start to back away. Smart. “ _ God fucking damnit _ ,” he yells.

“Dean,” Sam hesitantly begins, “Where’s Cas?”

He shakes his head. “Dead.” His voice is hoarse, too. Odd. He doesn’t remember screaming. “Some fucking deal with the goddam Empty and now he’s gone.” A look of understanding crosses Jack’s face. Then confusion. Then realization.

“He told you-”

“He told me he loved me”

The only sound left in the room is their shallow breaths.

“I didn’t say it back,” he whispers. “I wanted to, and I didn’t and now he’s gone and he’ll never know.” He buries his face in his hands. He gives Sam his gun. Better safe than sorry. There are infinitely more ways it could go, but it’s a start. He can tell Sam wants to say something. Sam doesn’t.

Sam leaves.

Jack stays for a while. He leaves, too.

Everyone always leaves.

“ _ I love you, Cas. _ ”

Cas will never hear those words.

He says them anyway.

Cas loved him.

Why’d he leave him?


End file.
